Begin Again
by bthebird2
Summary: I love him. I miss him. I am broken.


The door slamming.

The bag falling off his shoulders and making a THUMP on the ground.

The subtle sound of the air conditioning recognizing the door has been opened from the outside in.

The sigh coming from the tall brunette boy.

The sound of shoes being kicked towards a shelf on the nearby wall.

The sound of the bones cracking, from a long day of walking.

The distinct sound of cloth hitting the warm hard wood floor.

The sound of bare feet walking across towards a room nearby.

The squeak of a door opening.

The face looked in the mirror. He was disgusted by himself. Hair in 30 different places, eyes with bags upon bags under them. The face, oh the face. He couldn't take this shit anymore. He wished he'd never come to this stupid town. He looked in the corner of the large double mirror where a picture was taped on. His mind flashed white. He could see perfectly the image of his best friend Kendall Knight.

He could see that night at the fair. The night he looked into Kendall's eyes and made the move. He remembered it distinctly. The house of mirrors. Kendall opened his eyes.

The feeling was real, but it was just a memory. He slowly walked over to the double shower; everything in this house was double. Double this. Double that. Double shit. Meant for 2. Not 1. Two. Two. 2. Deux. .2 not one. Un. .1.1... 2...

James dragged his own body into the large shower, it being as big as a large car. He touched the small panel that indicated he was ready for water. He had done this 1000's of times, and had memorized every touch he had to make to get the water he wanted. He selected hot, tap, jet, 45 minutes, and upped the temperature to 125 degree's. The shower beeped as it changed screens to a screen with 4 simple buttons. .UP. DOWN.

James lifted his hand to the start button and pressed on it. The water immediately came down and he watched as the internal thermometer rose up and up in temperature. James let the water fall onto his lean body. He had another white out. He could see himself. 3 years ago exactly in 2 days. The day that he kissed Kendall.

He remembered because he was singing the song he wrote by himself in the shower that day. He knew it well...it was kind of the first time he ever had rubbed one out in the shower.

"_I wake up to find it's another_

_Four aspirin morning, and I dive in_

_I put on the same clothes I wore yesterday."_

James began to sing along during the flashback, just as he was in the shower 3 years ago. He wrote that out of desperation of love. He knew that every morning would just be the same. Kendall would never love him back.

_When did society decide that we had to change?_

_And wash a tee shirt after every individual use: If it's not dirty, I'm gonna wear it."_

James wrote that because he was too lazy to do his laundry.

He felt the water temperature slowly cool as the last 5 minutes of his shower were upon him. He heard a slight ding and stood in waiting for the auto dryer to kick in. He felt warm air with slight blasts of cold come against him.

James waited in anticipation, something, he didn't know what, he wanted to know what was gonna happen next in his life. He was sick of waiting.

James felt the floor feel like it was falling beneath him.

The shower was settling. It had to reheat water for the next usage and keep it warm.

He heard a knock on the bathroom door. "James, if you don't get your already perfect ass out of there I will knock the door down and drag you out of that godforsaken creepy bathroom!"

James heard, it was the voice of his still best friend Logan. Logan didn't officially live with him, despite him sleeping at the house in the guest room 5/7 nights, shopping with James, and using his utilities and amenities, he was just James' best friend. Logan had a key to James' apartment since James tried to kill himself on the 1-year anniversary of the band breaking up.

James stepped out of the shower and walked over to the closet attached to the bathroom. He grabbed his bathrobe from the peg on the closet door and walked out.

James stepped out of the bathroom to see Logan with a smirk on his face and his arms crossed.

"Done yet, or do you need to redo your hair?" Logan laughed and James smirked. "It's been a long day, I just stood in there. That asshole left me." Logan's expression softened and he gave James a big bear hug.

"James, you know he wasn't worth your time anyways. " Logan cooed softly at his lingering friend. James let the tears flow through his eyes onto the shorter boy's shoulder.

Logan rubbed James' back and whispered into his ear. "He probably was just jealous you had a bigger dick then him. " James laughed and smiled for the first time in this long long day.

James and Logan walked over and plopped down on the couch. "So, the Notebook or Final Destination 3?" Kendall did enjoy watching the tanning booth girls die, but he also enjoyed sappy chick flicks.

He ended up choosing Final Destination 3, and laughing his ass off. James had fallen asleep on the couch. He felt blue.

" _Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes. Tell myself its time now gotta let go. But moving on from him is impossible when I still see it all in my head…in burning red. Burning, it was red."_

**How'd ya guys like it? I was so scared to post it, but I'll continue it if it gets good reviews. Lemme know!**


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